This was not a decision I made lightly and was the product of many conversations, emails, journal entries, and prayers. It was an incredibly hard decision to make. On the one hand I knew I didn't want to be in Mozambique anymore. I wasn't excited about the year ahead and found myself wanting the school year to start just so it could be over sooner and I could go home. On the other hand I felt like I had responsibilities that I couldn't simply walk away from. My school was counting on me to teach for them for another year. I had a community library program to develop. There were people in Zobue counting on me being there for another year. So for the last month (probably more like 4 months) I've been stuck. One minute I would think, I need to leave. I'm not happy and I'm not going to be a good volunteer, friend, or neighbor. And then literally the next minute I would think, no I can't leave. It's only 10 more months. I can do it. And then the next minute I would be back to leaving again. I was stuck.
Last week the back and forth finally came to a head. I emailed my parents, sister, and friends from home asking for advice--should I leave or should I stay? I also talked to a counselor while we were in Maputo for our mid-service conference. Almost everyone had the same answer. Do what makes you happy. Don't think about what you think you should do, think about what you want to do. Ten months of misery isn't worth it. Take care of yourself first.
I took a few days to decide, but in the end I chose to leave. I missed feeling happy and wanted to try and be happy again. I am sorry to be leaving before finishing my commitment to Peace Corps and to my village, but I know it was the right decision. I have felt such a sense of peace and relief since I made the decision and I have felt happier than I have in a long time. It was hard to say goodbye to all my friends and colleagues and especially difficult to explain to people in Zobue why I was leaving, but through it all I knew it was for the best.
On Tuesday I fly to Berlin to visit some friends and then have no idea what the future holds. I'd like to stay in Europe for a few months and do some travelling, but I'm open to anything that comes my way. I'm excited to see what happens.
If you have any questions please feel free to email me and I will do my best to respond. I don't really know how much internet access I'll have, but I'm guessing if I had internet in my rural village in Mozambique, I'll probably have it in Western Europe. :)
Good post.
ReplyDeleteHi Siena,
ReplyDeleteSorry to bother you. My name is Ray Blakney and I am an RPCV from Mexico (2006-2008). Love your site here. I am working on a 3rd goal project with the PC regional offices and the main office in DC to try to create an online archive to keep the language training material made all over the world from getting lost. I have created a sub-section on the website my wife and I run Live Lingua with all the information I have been able to get to date (from over the web and sent to me directly by PC staff and PCV's). I currently have close to 100 languages with ebooks, audios, and even some videos.
The next step for this project is that I am trying to get the word out about this resource so that it can not only be used by PCV's or those accepted into the Peace Corps, but also so that when people run across material that is not on the site they can send it to me and I can get it up for everybody to use. I was hoping that you could help getting the word out by putting a link on this on your site here, so that people know it is there. There should be something there for almost everybody. It is all 100% free to use and share. Here is the specific page to what we call the Live Lingua Project:
http://www.livelingua.com/project/
Thanks for any help you can provide in making this 3rd goal project a success. And if anybody in your group has some old material they can scan or already have in digital form, and want to add to the archive, please don't hesitate to pass them my email. Thanks and have a great day.